Happy Birthday To Me

“It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.”~~Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

wasted childhoodSo… apparently, I’m officially over the hill. That’s right. This year, I turn 41. In just a few days. Like…. Tuesday. I guess I missed my birthday last year, because I didn’t know I was 40 until just now.

I know. I have no idea when it happened, either. I mean… just last week I was graduating high school! And earlier this week, I was pregnant with my…. 14-year-old?

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?~~Satchel Paige

*gasp*young old just words

Yeah. Kidlet. 14 this year. I have a 14-year-old. I don’t know how that happened, either.

But yeah. So this year, I’m turning 41. And I’m not sure how I feel about it.

Especially as I don’t feel 41. I still feel 17. Or maybe 25, seeing as how I have a child and all. But he’s less a child, nowadays and more a short version of the adult he’ll become. (He’s going to turn out okay in spite of me, I think.)

I guess I expected to feel like a grown up by now. Or at least to not have the skin of a teenager just hitting puberty. I mean, really. It’s bad enough I have fine lines but I also have to have acne?  There’s something cosmically unfair about that. I have a child going through puberty. We should not use the same face soap.

buy them here
buy them here

I try to stay on trend in my clothing. I avoid mom jeans. And if I was thin(ner) I’d definitely give skinny jeans a go. I even just bought myself some real leggings. I only wear them around the house, under long, long tee shirts and skirts. They’re super comfy. I still don’t think leggings need to be worn like, to Wal-mart, or really anywhere but home or to the gym, but hey. People wear their pajamas to Wal-mart, too, so what do I know. I didn’t even wear my pajamas to the emergency room and I got admitted because my bone marrow had completely shut down. (disclaimer: I did, though, wear my pajamas the night I got admitted over that flu in January. I knew I was really sick after that whole bone marrow thing, so I decided to save Hubbs the trip home for my pajamas….) But, see. This is where I start to feel old… People wear there pajamas out and about. And they glare at you when you stare. Fuzzy slippers and all. I don’t think if you’re standing in the line at the store–and are buying anything more than cold medicine, tampons, condoms, diapers, toilet paper, or formula, you know. the bare essentials–that you can glare at me when I stare at your pink, fluffy bunnies. I don’t get it. And that makes me feel old.

I listen to current music. I can jam out in the car to One Direction, OneRepublic, Avicii… I really like that Jason Derulo song, “Talk Dirty To Me.” Which embarrasses the hell out of my 14.year.old. (seriously… when did that happen???) I love the song “Pompeii” and know all the words to all the Lorde songs out now. Another fact which appears to mortify Kidlet.

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.~~Frances Bacon

middle age at 60So I am not old.

I might be a little old. Sometimes I realize that my husband is younger than me. Yes. I’m a cougar.

And sometimes I refer to people as “these young folks today…” and then I list all the things they don’t know yet, but will know one day….

And sometimes I realize how young people are. Like, my friends. My peers. I realize every once in a while that they have their whole lives ahead of them. They still have all their options open. To have more kids. To pick a new career. To figure out who they are and what they’ll be when they grow up.

They’re just getting started.

The trick is growing up without growing old.~~Casey Stengel

live life forget ageI’m so jealous. And the jealousy… it makes my soul hurt. 

Sometimes, I feel like I’m out of time. That there’s so much left to do… so much living I never got around to…

And I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to have experiences. Make memories.

I want to live.

So I’m making a bucket list. 41 things I want to do this year. 41 things I want to experience, try, taste, read, see, feel, do.

41 things.

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.~~Jeanne Moreau

41 thingsThis is what I’m going to be doing this year.

What are you going to be doing this year?

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